Introductions

Old and new. Past and present. What was .. and what will be

For eight years (2004-2012) I blogged about this life that I am living. There were a total of 3 regular subscribers and occasional spikes of as many as 12 readers at any one time. That was in ancient times when blogspot.com was the place to be.

In 2012 there came .. an event .. which I did not anticipate .. or account for ...

When .. all that I was, and wanted to be .. my future ..

Died

Because in my blog I wrote of things that I loved ..and feared .. most

My Dichotomy

That blog, was to be, if nothing else, an historical accounting that my daughter might one day see.

And read, come to know, and hopefully understand ..

Who I am, who I was

Who she is .. who her family is ..

And hopefully, help her understand her place in history

 Because her mother, so loving and nurturing, spent 80% of our daughter's life, and 10% of our son's lives, repeating the mantra that would forever affect all 5 of them.

Your father never loved you. Your brothers hate you. If they cared about you, why aren't they here? Your father didn't want a child that was disabled. Your brothers didn't want to have to take care of a disabled sister. That is why your dad and your brothers are not here. That is why your dad and brothers are not in your life.

And this wonderful, loving, nurturing woman, to this very moment .. repeats the same lines to her daughter, and to herself.

Of course, since the sons are now 27 and 25, and the daughter is now 16 ..

They see the truth.

There is no choice in the matter now. I hoped, that by deleting, cancelling, discarding, and erasing the things of that past, that they would be gone, and my children would be free.

Not so

My hours left on this world, are few. I want them to know .. the thoughts behind each and every action. In hope that they will be gracious .. when they judge me.

And those that I have known and loved along the way, would know the truth.